Second coat of plaster is now done on Vira and Rene's cabin. Only took three days. We are unstoppable. My arms are stiff and swollen with, dare I dream, new muscle. At thirty four I am finally getting what I wanted so badly at eighteen, some muscles. During the downpour we cleaned up the inside of Vira's cabin. Johnneo put nails in the studs so we could hang our "bags" (tool belts) off the floor. I then proceeded to label the studs with our personal initials in red construction crayon. Then I put up curtains and a throw rug. "There", I said with satisfaction, "That's better." We are stucco cowboys. Our legend resounds off the walls of the retreat valley. We know no fear.
I've just realized that all the building is just a back drop for people to do more serious practice on themselves. We're pushing ourselves to complete the building before the deadline and this is pushing up all our issues. We only have a limited time with our friends. It's good to be out here with all of them. We do our best to support each other. I now have a friend who is holding me accountable for my meditations by text messaging me every day and asking if I have done it. I admit that it is working. Small things are happening that are helping me. I get a letter in the mail, then another, then a care package from my mother. All this the morning after I had been feeling lonely (common theme for me out here) and was about to get into some serious mopeing around but stopped my self saying, "No. You're going to be all right. Everything is actually all right." Then it was all right and three people reached out to me. The message for me is to do my practice and be grateful and to send people love through the mail. Bless the postal service. We're so lucky to have it. It's a beautiful thing in this country.
I wonder how the rest of the country is doing. This area is such an island unto itself and so cut off. But what an island. The sky puts on a show every evening here. Lightening comes out of blue clouds. You can see the rain run in sheets ten miles away. The sun shoots laser beams across the horizon. I see square clouds and disc clouds. Black dot clouds mixed in with pure white dream clouds. We're in monsoon season right now. The grass is growing like it thinks it's in Indiana. Strange plants are coming up that were long dormant. Each downpour is of epic proportions. It's the sort of storm you want to go crazy in. Rip your shirt off and run straight into, shrieking at God, on fire because you finally can have your showdown with the father who gives no answers that you can hear. Now he's going to give you some answers. "Is that all you got!?" you scream with Lt. Dan like insanity. Lightening splits a cactus in half. "Ha!, You missed!!!" I've never done this but at the right moment I think it could yield something powerful (don't worry Mom). This land is extreme. Gila monsters move slowly across the road. Cows get killed in flash floods and left on the side of the road to be food for coyote and buzzard. The poor cows, better to die free on the range. The Cows! I went to a cowboy museum and there were many wonderful old photos of people of another time. There were also pictures that were just documenting cow torture. I'm so sorry. We've lost our minds and do terrible things to you cow. Anyone who spends time looking into how we slaughter you knows deep down it is a sick thing we're created. It's too much, it's wrong. It's an old habit in this world, but we can make new habits.