Today Johneo and I prepped Stephan and Jessica's Gompa for an earth floor. We sifted dirt on site to get some real fine rock free material. We hauled up termite rock. We overcame broken down equipment. We ended up haveing to do some picking inside the Gompa. The floor was too high in some places. For those who haven't used a pick-maddox (sp?), it's an easy thing to get over the thrill of using. The ground was very hard and as I tried to drive my shovel into the little piles only to be stopped short by a hidden rock, I remembered the first time I felt joy while shoveling. It was over a year ago here at DMU. Doug was using me to build rock retaining walls for all the terraced earth around Michael Dunn's retreat cabin. I loved that job. The rocks around his site are top of the line. Pink granites, grey granite, odd golden conlomerates, cherty flinty smokey greys, white marble like stones of all sizes. A person would pay thousands of dollars in this sort of material anywhere else and I was having a ball stacking them. The joy happened while I was moving a dirt pile from one place to another. This happens a lot at the retreat valley. The dirt was over the septic clean out. So there I was, flinging shovel fulls of dirt over my head into a pile behind me. I looked up into the sun and saw the dirt reflecting light as it flew. It looked like water. or crystals. It was so hot outside and the heat had been wroking me for most of the day. But as I looked up into the particles flying over my head I started laughing. It was so beautiful this dirt! Each shovel full was a shot of bliss. It got to be so intense I was at the edge of crying. If only I could work like this all day. What would that be like? I remember thanking my teachers in my mind as I finally slowed down. I was thanking them for this place and this opportunity to learn in so many different ways.
Before all the building started I was wishing for a way to contribute more to DMU. I saw so many brilliant people around me who could teach asana, translate Tibetan or Sanskrit, computer wizes', dharma teachers, business professionals, chefs, performers, caretakers and the like. So when the building started I felt that it was perfect for me. Now I could really do karma yoga. Now I could serve in a way I felt capable in. As I worked I felt my intellectual studies suffer. My meditation suffered. I would close my eyes and after ten breaths start dreaming, morning or evening. I couldn't remember what I had read in class or at home. This was not good. It was around this time that Geshe Lotar came to visit DMU. Geshe Lotar took care of my Lama, Geshe Michael Roach, when he was living at the monestary in India. The love and compassion and solidity coming off of him is amazing. I could go on about him but I want to keep this entry succinct. G.L. was holding a question answer session in the main temple at DMU one night. Many people asked questions about three year retreat. Each answer G.L. gave was so right on. He kept inviting more questions. I finally asked him about what had been troubling me. I said "What can a student do who means well but can't seem to remember anything he is reading or learning. What can he do to improve his memory." As I said this I looked briefly at Lama Christie who was looking at me with so much love, like a mother. And Mother-like Geshe Lotar gave me such a beautiful answer. He gave me a long answer with several things to try. He told me about a young monk who started out not being able to remember anything. Over time and effort he overcame it and became a Geshe. At one point he looked at me and said "As you work, with every stroke or movement, think to yourself "I am removeing obsticals. I am removing impurities." You will remove them this way." I didn't tell him I was a worker. He just knew it. There is a quality I have felt in great Lamas that have spoken to me. I can only describe it as something like Real Honesty. I can feel that they are incapable of lying and the things they say are so true it shakes you deep inside. And the automatic response in my body is that of trust. It's an exchange I've only had with great teachers. Geshe Lotar is like this for me. Ever since that night I try to remember to take his advice to my daily work. I am always digging, shoveling, trowling stucco, hammering, cutting, lifting, moving all day. I feel that if I could make each movement a prayer (I am removing obsticals, I am removing impurities) and do it all day, at the end of a few weeks I would see massive results. As it is, I do it a little each day. I have seen a little change. The amount of which is equal to the effort I put into the practice. Perfect, eh? It's only me and my untapped potential out there building your cabin. May I make it perfect. MahaSuka!