Perhaps the three-year retreat can be best understood in the words of those embarking on it.
Imagine going into three years of silence, armed with your spiritual knowledge, completely dependent on the kindness of others for every meal, every personal item, every single thing you need, including water. Nothing at your fingertips but sand. Nothing in your heart but love and compassion. Enough love and compassion that you are willing to be dead to the world for three years, three months and three days of solitary work--working to transform your own heart so that you can be someone able to transform the world.
Every day I see people suffering, everywhere I go. It is mind-blowing. And I suffer. The situation is totally out of control. I think if we really faced the condition we are in, we would go crazy. I have studied and tried many different ways to help people, to help the world; on an individual level and on a grand scale. No matter what I do, it seems there is no end, it just goes on and on. I cannot truly help anyone or change the world in a serious way—in an ultimate way—without a radical transformation of myself, my own mind. I have to do it myself first.
I have tried for many years to do it outside of retreat. After nine years of very dedicated study and practice and teaching some good results have come, but not big enough and not fast enough for me to really reach a place where I can truly be of service. I believe that to make the necessary changes, I have to do the necessary work, and I don’t think that can happen in the normal outside world. The amount and the potency of practice that happens amidst everyday life just isn’t deep enough, isn’t radical enough. From the small amount of retreat I have done, I have seen that this is where serious, concentrated progress happens.
At the heart of it all, it comes down to the fact that I truly believe there is a way to stop every suffering. I believe that I have the capacity to do it. My body and mind are strong and clear, I have the perfect teachers, the perfect teachings, and now I have the perfect opportunity to put it all to work—a three year retreat. I believe I can help people eliminate the unbelievable pain they are in. That is a big deal. If there is one tiny little chance that I could do it, if I could possibly someday be able to help even one person come out of some suffering, then I have to try. I will try. Even if it’s a long shot, nothing else would ever seem worthwhile.
Moreover, it is simply a beautiful way to live; to have a heart that is completely devoted to other people’s happiness no matter what. Whatever life, whatever action comes out of a heart like that must be extraordinary. It’s such a contrast to the normal perspective. I think that alone could change the world.
Why am I doing this? On one level: I've completed 15 years of Buddhist study and now I need to work on my dissertation — which in this form of study is a three-year, three-month, three-day retreat.
In another way of speaking: it's all about love. The suffering in the world—of both myself and others—has become unbearable and it breaks my heart. And I know, intellectually, that this suffering is a mistake. A mistake based in a misunderstanding about the things I experience, how I experience them, and why I experience them. But left at a merely intellectual level, there's a limit to how much benefit this knowledge can bring me or others. So, through stealing myself away in a peaceful place free of distraction for a good chunk of time, I hope to tune my mind and heart—based on the teachings I've received and the practices I've learned—such that I transform my intellectual understandings to realizations of the heart. With that kind of wisdom and love, I could come out and truly serve everyone I meet in a way that really benefits them. And that's really all I want to do.